


I think we deserve a soft epilogue my love

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: under 1k fic [22]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Future Fic, Hopeful Ending, Lois Lane is an actual saint, M/M, POV Lois, Pining Clark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 01:39:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: She'd asked Clark once if he was still in love with Lex and he'd tensed.She'd mentally kicked herself for bringing it up and he'd stood, taking his dinner plate to the kitchen. Filled the sink full of hot sudsy water and accidentally broke two dishes.Then barely audible, "You're a reporter, Lois. You already know the answer to that question."





	I think we deserve a soft epilogue my love

 

 

**+**

_I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love._

_We are good people and we’ve suffered enough._

**[+](https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/9236773-i-think-we-deserve-a-soft-epilogue-my-love-we-are-good-people-and)**

 

 

He says Lex's name sometimes. 

In the dark with his hand fisted in tight knot of blankets, eyes shut and forehead covered in a light sheen of sweat. It sounds mournful and broken, like something vital is shattering on the inside where no one can see. She can't fight his demons or wipe away past hurts, can't bring back a Lex that only exists in Clark's memory. The gut wrenching heart of the matter is more complex than that. 

 

You cannot love the grief out of a person. 

You cannot forget your first love. 

You cannot love two people in the same way but you _can_ love two people at once. 

 

Lex left his mark on Clark's heart in a brutally scarring manner. When he walked away, he dug his nails into the muscle and _ripped._ Leaving. Returning. Leaving. Returning. Dead or alive, Lex will make damn sure the wound never closes. It'll bleed in the dead of night and the sunniest afternoon -- whenever Clark's persistent ghost decides to stroll around his mind, dropping tiny hints of memory. 

Lex's way of saying:  _Neither of us are getting out of this alive._

And so night after night she lies in bed and strokes Clark's hair until his cheeks are no longer tear streaked and that haunting name is no more. The morning after, she brews a pot of coffee, Clark rubs his eyes and burns the toast. They pretend not to notice the third person in their marriage. The missing, the extra chair at the dinner table, the articles Clark offers to write about LexCorp. 

It's harder to hide when Conner is around with Lex's blue eyes and mannerisms, Clark's dark hair.

He's a physical reminder of what could've been and what used to be. Sometimes he calls Clark  _dad_ and tries to negotiate his way out of chores. Or he goes on a spiel about Catullus and the concept of reincarnation in ancient Greece.  Or the many ways human flight should be scientifically improbable. Right before he dives from the rooftop of the house and clumsily takes flight.  

When that happens, Clark folds like a matchbox and flinches. He stacks the hay with too much force and runs himself into the ground at the farm until he can't feel the grief. But it's still there, like a shockwave that affects everyone around him. 

* * *

 

She'd asked him once if he was still in love with Lex and he'd tensed. She'd mentally kicked herself for bringing it up and he'd stood, taking his dinner plate to the kitchen. Filled the sink full of hot sudsy water and accidentally broke two dishes.

Then barely audible, "You're a reporter, Lois. You already know the answer to that question." 

He'd held her close that night and they'd made love. Tenderly, he'd whispered words of love and devotion, almost apologetic. Hours later when she'd asked if he wanted to talk about it, he'd nuzzled her neck and relented.

"I had a dream last night, Lois," he said as he held her hand. Played with her fingers. "Lex and I were together again and Conner...he called Lex  _dad._ You were there and we were still married. The three of us picked out a Charlie Brown Christmas tree  and watched  _It's a Wonderful Life_ until we passed out. You were on one side of the couch, Lex was on the other with me in the middle. Conner was asleep curled up on a chair. Lois, it _hurts_." 

She didn't pretend not to notice his damp cheeks and he didn't pretend it wasn't eating him up inside. He let the tears flow and she kissed his forehead, each cheek, stroked his hair until he stopped shaking.  

It really was a beautiful future. 

He didn't dream of mansions or a future where his life wasn't mucked up by fate. He wanted the kind of life his parents had but with twice the love. Maybe that had been his plan long before she came into the picture. Two people to share his heart with. Lex would always be in every future Clark built no matter how impossible it seemed.

His ideal life wasn't too much to ask for and yet it was like trying to lasso the moon. 

They held one another in the dark for the longest time before she said, "Tell me what life was like before I came along, Smallville." 

_Who you used to be. How you loved him._

She listened in earnest and understood the full extent of why losing Lex was catastrophic. Devastating. Why Clark shut a part of himself away and seemed distant with the cape on. The reasoning behind his disappointment when a rescue mission went wrong. 

 _Dear God, Lex was your first love. In_ _your head, you're still saving him. _

* * *

 

She called Lex the following day with a burning question that was more of a demand:  

"Would you like to have Christmas dinner with us? There's someone who'd like to meet you. He claims to be Warrior Angel's biggest fan but I was told you have a monopoly on that." 

After some stubborn prodding and reassurance that Clark wasn't going to throw an intergalatic fit, he relented.

No more pretending. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know the two love of clark's life knew one another but I needed to dig deeper for closure. going by lex's polyamorous clexmas fantasy I'm willing to bet clark's is very similar, hence the open-ness. they're the same person, two opposite sides of the same soul.
> 
> also I'll be honest, I don't know much about smallville lois' personality as I've only watched an episode here and there after s3 so I'm hoping I got her characterization right, eek ( O_ O ) 
> 
> lastly, if it's not clear: clark is madly in love with both of them and not just lex. lois doesn't exist just to ship them. she exists because she's incredible, a good person and loves clark. I just wanted to write a snippet from her POV instead of a massive fic ❤


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